It is time to ask every one of you to please VISUALIZE 1000 - one thousand! Please see both my white blood counts (WBC) and those slightly recalcitrant NEUTROPHILS (ANC - Absolute Neutrophil Count) achieving and easily bypassing the 1000 mark. I am praying and hoping to be sprung from this joint by the end of this week, or just past January 1st. Until they both hit 1000, I cannot leave. Well, technically I am a free agent and I may do as I darn well please, but it would be really dumb to take off with no immune system to speak of right now....A very good friend had her Spiritual Director paper her walls with little Post-It Notes with "1000" written on each one. Personally, being adverse to too much clutter, I'd have not gone in that direction, but this was part of their prayer for me the last time in the scary world of Induction Chemotherapy. Now that I'm in Consolidation, the five days of higher-dose ("dis" is right, I love my typos) chemo probably made my poor bone marrow say, "Whoa, honey, what gives with all this!? I've only been trying to do my best all along. So we had a few gnarly cancer cells sneak into the party.... didn't mean to cause you no harm, honest...." Every day I get my Neupogen shot, and right about now - ESPECIALLY with your focused visualizations, the numbers are supposed to start waking from their woozy snooze and get with the program! Move it, boys and girls! Kick it up and get me OUT!
Not that I'm impatient or anything.
I trust that any threats I may or may not receive for copyright infringement by using the likeness of Buzz Light Year will be offset by any attorney's (or attorneys') sympathy with my leukemic plight. Otherwise I will incur a major Al-Anon slip and use every morsel of guilt and emotional blackmail I can muster. Again, you can see why my spiritual path, from my Christian walk to 12-Step recovery, is a daily occurrence for me.
It's a little tricky to move an extra graphic around, but I also want to add St. George slaying the Dragon. Some may prefer the happy clappy let's visualize a gentle healing, lovingly asking the cancer cells to leave kind of visual. More often than not I am pissed off as hell that I have AML so am also bringing in what I'd like to do with these invading wretches. Here I am in all of my varied complexity. I will not call it imperfection right now because I do not apologize for being angry about this scene.
Whether slaying or cooing, please continue your prayers and hopes for not only my immediate (screaming needy desperate) desires to leave the hospital, but for a longer term solution that resonates with all of my being.
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My mom became obsessed with weeding her garden when she got sick. Made sense to me. Out! And you- out! Out! Out! Out!
-Autumn
Doing it now... A mental picture of you all healthy and glowing with flowing dark hair and a huge smile on your face... and 1000s floating around you all sparkly and gleaming golden and silver and copper and all the colors of the rainbow... You're gently spinning clockwise, radiant and laughing and sparks of love are flying out your fingertips and everyone around you is applauding and laughing and jumping up and down and hugging each other with glee... 1000, 1000, 1000...
Love! F & W.
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