muddlement approaches resolution

Since I wrote on Thursday, the insurance information has changed on a nearly-daily basis. In lieu of writing bits and pieces, I am awaiting some manner of resolution and clarity. Attempting to arrive here has included but not been limited to three people - Chris, Alice & myself - expending no less than 100 hours over the past 2 weeks. Chris & Alice have been the stalwarts in this regard, although I too have been buried or at least felt buried. The insurance agent has thrown in easily another ten hours. Without a manner of healthy detachment, simply acknowledging the insanity portion of our show threatens to throw me into a tailspin. Occasionally it begins and then I breathe while I try to pull out of it. 

I found this outdoor labyrinth photo, which was taken at San Damiano Retreat House in Danville, California. It reminds me that if I keep moving, I won't get stuck. It also reminds me that there is a completion point that I can miss if I simply keep walking without awareness. 

My escapist fantasies are slightly cobbled by three medical appts. in the coming 9 days, amongst other things. Today is a blood draw at the Cancer Center and attempting to pepper either my doctor or nurse with questions, questions and more questions. My platelet count remains borderline and I may need a platelet transfusion. My white and red counts have been subpar and lethargic since my Jan. 2nd. hospital discharge, alas. Another Neupogen shot will probably be in the works. Friday is a CT scan. Inauguration Day the 20th I get a bone marrow biopsy. That's the procedure that is both excruciatingly painful (do I take an oxycodone 1st and ask for a ride back or do I just tough it out with the local anesthetic which never ever works completely?) and will tell us whether more leukemia cells known as blasts are on the prowl again. As I was getting daily Neupogen shots during this recent hospitalization, which stimulates all white cells including the lurking ones that are cancerous, we needed to wait until the dust settled so to speak before another bone marrow biopsy took place. While Obama is being sworn in and people such as myself are thrilled beyond belief, I'll be getting that wretched poke in the butt bone. I hope it is not analogous to anything but my continued slog in this healing track.....! 

Several dear friends have been shocked at my recent posts about the American medical insurance free-fall in forked tongue lunacies. Not only is it one badass storm but I am still in the midst of it. Resolution whispers hope not too far away, however. 

I pray I shall be guided in ways that I can live with, since having a life worth living is at the core of all of this. I pray for extended longevity in the 3D form so that the soulful aspects may be more fruitfully brought forth. Let's see what the next 24 hours shall bring..... and as well what I bring to it.